HOW I GOT FAT AND WHAT I THINK ABOUT IT
For more than 7 years, my New Years' resolution has always been lose weight, lose weight, lose cellulite, lose acne, lose everything associated with my big weight. I'm not actually this big before, I only got this big because my parents started becoming well-off, and since I'm new in tasting rice, tasting chocolate, all the things you get to eat after you've been in a somewhat poor state in your life, I overindulged. I became big for my age probably in 2nd grade, my classmates were teasing me of this and that, but its only because in 1st grade my parents started hitting the jackpot and earn a huge amount of money.
Here's the proof, that I'm not big in my childhood days.
Then comes the day my parents started owning businesses, my mom having a good paying job that allows her to be a working mother, my father comes having a job and maintaining the meat market with my grandfather, and the meat market having a lot of customers. My parents felt bad that when I was little we had too little to eat, so they let us indulge, I don't blame them and I'm so thankful for them, what I blame is my self-will and not being able to control myself. I got so big, and now I'm 90 pounds overweight and my BMI range is Obese II.
This is where I started to get big. I was probably 8 years old at the time.
I noticed my weight when I was 10 and told myself I want to lose all of it before I enter high school so that I won't be the center of all those fat jokes before. But I wasn't able to do it, and by 8th grade I became conscious of my weight and stopped taking pictures, the usual teenager stuff, depression, insecurities, anxiety, consciousness. My brother is not affected by all of this though, he can take off his shirt in public and doesn't care about the comments he would get. Me, on the other hand is afraid of showing a little too much skin that I'd actually prevent myself having fun if I have to take off my shirt.
I'm in 11th grade by now, and as usual I've told myself that I'll lose all of these weight before I enter 12th grade or before I apply for another summer job next year, but its hard! I can stick to a routine, a diet, all of that stuff, but when I'm thrown off by stress, I'd resort back to stress-eating and let myself loose in the supermarket, or the nearest 7/11 and McDonalds and let myself satisfy myself. Before, I was so stressed that I ate a big burger steak, 2 pieces of chicken, 1 large fries, a mash potato, and 6 pieces of chicken nuggets. I thought I'd throw up, but I drank green tea as my beverage and drank my capsaicin pill and I was stuck in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I found the smell of my own poop repulsive. There were other occasions too that I did this and not only am I wasting money, I also endanger myself with all of this stuff.
Since I am about to be 17 and that I'm a teenager, I've been having a lot of issues with my body and my face, I've been exposed to mental disorders, and I have never been more conscious about my body image than I ever was in my entire life. If you are like me, you were probably bullied your entire life for something you can't control and it has become your identifier, as if all there is to know about you is the fat boy in the second class.
There's pretty much no reason why I'm telling you this, I just wanted to tell you guys that if you have ever teased someone for being fat, I want you guys to realize how hard it must be for that guy to live as nothing but the fat guy.
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