BEING SECRETIVE
Welcome back to my blog, thank you for sticking with me. The last post might have been too dramatic, so I'm going to post something less dramatic. What I'm about to post is dramatic, sure, but this is less dramatic than that traumatic experience of mine. (Btw, I made my friends read what I posted on this blog and others finally felt that they got to know me better, but others think that I'm being too dramatic, I don't know if I'm being dramatic, but what I said in that post is true, and as you can see with the pictures, I posted every side of the story)
Being secretive, is something I may or may not be good at. If you ask my friends, my real friends, my friends that I tell everything to, they might say that I'm open book, even to those two faced bastards, I told them all of my secrets and fears (which I'm now regretting, seeing how they used it against me), but did I actually tell you everything? If you looked at my SNS [Social Media], I barely post anything, not just posts in general like those "I'm so lonely right now, I need someone by my side" BS, but actually including pictures, where I am now, basically I only use SNS for stalking and the occasional posts when I feel so proud of myself, but I delete them 6 months afterward, or hide them on my wall. Anyhow, I'm going to tell you guys what changed me after all these years.
When I was in 7th grade I used to share everything on my Facebook page, things like anime recommendation, interesting facts, where I am, what I eat, all those basic white girl stuff. Then, my mother took an exam for the University of the Philippine's masters degree program and told me that they check your Facebook page before they accept you to their class. It didn't matter to me, and I still posts stuff, all the things I want to share to the world (I even posts stuff like Share this for cancer... how humiliating and disgusting). But then my father told me something up to this day I can't forget. He told me that people laughs behind my back and that I'm an utter disgrace and a humiliation to this family because of all the things I shared on my wall. I cried, any Grade 7 13 year old will be flabbergasted with everything he said. I decided to delete everything on my wall.
4 months later, I met up with my elementary friends since one of them was having a birthday celebration. I posted a picture of what I looked like, what I was wearing, all that stuff. Those were the days I just started using Instagram, someone commented that I was vain (that was the first week I started to use Instagram, and I was only in the 3rd month of using my new phone, so of course I was excited), my parents and relatives started to call me selfie king, and people started commenting how fat I was and that I should learn my place. It put a dent to my self-esteem that until to this date I still haven't recovered. Of course, I am confident in things I'm good at but when it comes to posting a photo, or posting a Happy Mother's Day on my mother's timeline is something that I struggle with, I seriously contemplate with myself before I post something on my Facebook page and Instagram page. I don't like taking pictures now, and every time I see the flab in my tummy, I want to kill myself (literally).
I don't restrict myself when it comes to my blog or to my Twitter page. People hardly pay attention to my Twitter page, and only a few of my acquaintances knows about my blog, so why bother restrict myself here. Of course, I wouldn't be able to post pictures of myself proudly in this one place that I consider safe, but at least I get to say things I've kept bottled inside of me, it's better this way.
That's all I have to say. I don't think I'm being secretive in general, but just scared of all the comments that my self-esteem plateau. The stories I told above is not just the reason why my self-esteem is not as high as it used to be, it's also because of that AGC incident.
When I was in 7th grade I used to share everything on my Facebook page, things like anime recommendation, interesting facts, where I am, what I eat, all those basic white girl stuff. Then, my mother took an exam for the University of the Philippine's masters degree program and told me that they check your Facebook page before they accept you to their class. It didn't matter to me, and I still posts stuff, all the things I want to share to the world (I even posts stuff like Share this for cancer... how humiliating and disgusting). But then my father told me something up to this day I can't forget. He told me that people laughs behind my back and that I'm an utter disgrace and a humiliation to this family because of all the things I shared on my wall. I cried, any Grade 7 13 year old will be flabbergasted with everything he said. I decided to delete everything on my wall.
4 months later, I met up with my elementary friends since one of them was having a birthday celebration. I posted a picture of what I looked like, what I was wearing, all that stuff. Those were the days I just started using Instagram, someone commented that I was vain (that was the first week I started to use Instagram, and I was only in the 3rd month of using my new phone, so of course I was excited), my parents and relatives started to call me selfie king, and people started commenting how fat I was and that I should learn my place. It put a dent to my self-esteem that until to this date I still haven't recovered. Of course, I am confident in things I'm good at but when it comes to posting a photo, or posting a Happy Mother's Day on my mother's timeline is something that I struggle with, I seriously contemplate with myself before I post something on my Facebook page and Instagram page. I don't like taking pictures now, and every time I see the flab in my tummy, I want to kill myself (literally).
I don't restrict myself when it comes to my blog or to my Twitter page. People hardly pay attention to my Twitter page, and only a few of my acquaintances knows about my blog, so why bother restrict myself here. Of course, I wouldn't be able to post pictures of myself proudly in this one place that I consider safe, but at least I get to say things I've kept bottled inside of me, it's better this way.
That's all I have to say. I don't think I'm being secretive in general, but just scared of all the comments that my self-esteem plateau. The stories I told above is not just the reason why my self-esteem is not as high as it used to be, it's also because of that AGC incident.
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