MY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

Okay, before I go out of my way to rant, I want to say that I love my family, and despite all of the craziness and quirks and negativity I face with them, I still love them, but there are times when you just have to tell everyone, you've been harboring inside your system and let it all out for the world to hear. I personally would not want to tell this on my blog, but my friends are also dysfunctional, so this is the best I can get (my friends always scold me, and compare their life with mine, instead of being empathic and I'm tired of it.)

Here are the list I've compiled that is the reason for the anger I feel towards my family

1. LACK OF UNDERSTANDING AND CARE TOWARDS MENTAL ILLNESS

If there's one thing I'm vocal about it in this blog that would be mental illness. I've been diagnosed depression and anxiety twice in my entire high school life, and I've tried to open up about it to my mom twice, and twice she told me that I have nothing to be depressed about. You see, I've visited the guidance counselor and a registered psychologist twice, and I've open up my feelings to them, both of them diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, which is not odd since I actually do feel that I have them. I told this story to my mom twice, and she told me that I have nothing to be depressed about and that I have a wonderful life, I told her that's not how depression works and being a woman of psychology she is ought to know more than tell me that, she resorted to telling that she will sue the guidance counselor who "misdiagnosed" me about depression and anxiety because it was obvious I don't have depression. I felt bad that I told her, considering I opened up to her about my cutting problem and suicidal thoughts, but she told me to disregard it, saying I have more things to look forward in life-which might sound good, but given the context of our discussion, that's a deplorable thing to say.

2. TOTAL DISREGARD TOWARD BDD

I was supposed to write a whole post about Body Dysmorphic Disorder, but I wasn't feeling it, so I'll write about it next time.

One of the reason, I think I have anxiety is because of my body image, like I've said in my previous posts, that I am very conscious about my body image, from the lining in my teeth to my dark nape, every single flaw I have, I am aware and and I ashamed. I've told about this problem to my mom, because I was very sure I have BDD because a lot of people say that I do, and to be honest, I think do have it. I let my fear rule me that it has made me miss social gatherings, inability to take pictures confidently, and to be proud of my body. I told my mom about it and she told me that other people have a bigger body than I do and that I just need to accept what I have-again, would have been a nice advice, but the context clues aren't giving it a good vibe.

I hate it, how my family isn't supportive when I try to reduce weight or when I open up my problems, they always compare me to other people. Do I have to feel satisfaction that other people have it worse than me?



3. THE HOMOPHOBIA

What's worse living in a country run by God-fearing people and thinking the gays are the second Black Plague, living with them.

I am in no means a part of the LGBT community, but I am an advocate for it. Sure, I do appreciate the body of men with defined abs and muscular body, but to engage in coitus with them is not something I'd appreciate. My parents and my brother are the epitome of homophobia in this house (well, that's obvious considering there are only four people in this house, and I'm one of them). I hate how they always make fun of the LGBT community, but I can't defend them since that would make it look like I'm gay, and if I'm gay they'll disown me and force me to live out in the street or make me go to those anti-gay therapies. We actually have this uncle who came out of the closet and said that he is gay, but he isn't like those effeminate gays, but rather a dude who likes another dude, but they make it seem like our uncle would prefer to have a vagina and then sleep with the guy. ARGGHHH THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING GAY AND TRANSGENDER.



4. THEIR QUESTIONABLE DEVOTION TO RELIGION

I am in no means attacking religion in this post, I believe in God and I believe in our religion's doctrine, but there has got to be a line of what you can do for the church. Our religion makes it look like we are puppets for them, we are obliged to go to church twice, and if you are part of the choir, you have to go church 4 times; then, there's this part where you have to give money to the church's official, they'll make it seem like they aren't forcing you but guilt trip you into saying "you can't go to heaven if you don't give us money", and my parents are buying this!!!! For the past years, my parents are always giving the church millions of money, even when my father got his knee surgery, when we were living in poverty, when we were broke, and even know that we were scammed. I don't get it! I do believe that God can do miracles and help us, but why would God feel satisfaction from taking something from us and expect us to feel nothing about it? It doesn't makes sense.



5. MY FATHER'S BIPOLAR DISORDER

I am not a registered psychologist so I don't know if he really does have bipolar disorder, and I should know better than label someone that they have bipolar disorder, since that's wrong, but I did some researched and seemed to have match my father's personality with the symptoms of bipolar disorder. My father always throw this hissy fits if something didn't happen the way he exactly envisioned it, and it usually involves him getting angry towards me and my sibling. Living with them is said to be normal for an Christian Asian family, but when your father slaps you for not wanting to skinny dip, then you know something is wrong. (btw, I'll write all about it soon).

There's a lot more that I want to include, but that's probably for a Part 2.




[edit 10/12/17:I just created a Facebook page, make sure you like it!!!]